Sunday, June 2, 2024

Fantasy

 I feel like I'm living in Fantasy Land these days - not because something wonderful is happening in my life - but because everything is out of whack Fantasy Land is the only place where life makes sense.

Male lead meet-cutes Female lead. 

Male lead finds Female lead irresistible. 

Male lead fights off other males around the Female lead, marking his territory.

Male lead confesses/courts Female lead. 

Female lead falls for Male lead. They become a couple. 

Leads face relationship/life challenge. They overcome and grow stronger.

They live happily ever after. 

(Or, if you want genders reversed, or same genders involved, that works too. )

This makes sense, because it's logical, because they work together, because they overcome their challenges. Person 1 declares undying love (or endless simping) for Person 2. 

My reality doesn't make sense. I did everything right. Everything still went horribly wrong. I did my time, I did all the hard work. I made him such a green flag even his family's amazed. But I am no match for a stubborn partner and an even more stubborn childhood trauma that won't resolve itself. 

But wait, am I not equipped to handle that? 


I am, but I'm not even allowed in. I had the door shut down several times. I can't help someone who refuses to be helped.

So I'm stuck in Fantasy Land as a temporary coping mechanism as I navigate my own sense of loss and trauma. I am no longer the cherished and much-beloved partner. I have been discarded and set aside. 

Where's my happy ending? 

How Long Until...?

 I came across this excerpt from Emma Rose Byham from her book Was It Even Abuse?    that describes some of my experience when the H started...