Quiquay's Self Affirmations

Today I claim my life back.

No, I haven't run away. I'm still happily with the H (well, most days. That's another story). When I say I'm claiming my life back, I am going to try bringing back the old Quiquay - driven, motivated and ambitious to the core. I am going to plan my life and my own financial independence. I want that security. I now realize I can't keep expecting H to take us out of the doldrums. He's not going to leave his job when he loves everybody there. I know it's hard to find the camaraderie like they have. But the pay is peanuts and it's never going to be enough to support both of us if we want to have a more secure future. He's always going to sit there helplessly when all the usual avenues have been explored. Despite all his bluster about being the "rebel", the ironic thing is, he's as traditional as they come.

So again, it's got to be me. Unfortunately, I'm past the point where traditional potential employers would put my resume at the top of the pile and hire me. Being out of the corporate world for three years has ruined any chance of getting my old rate and level back, despite all my other accomplishments as a freelancer and micropreneur. I know I won't be hired at the rate and position I want. They will be asking me to start at a lower level if I'm lucky enough or ignore me altogether because I'm overqualified. So there you go. I can't get hired at my old level because I've been gone too long and I can't get hired at a lower level because I'm overqualified. What's a girl to do?

Why not hire herself? If I can't find the opportunities, I'll make them instead. I need to think out of the box. I'll make an honest-to-goodness business plan and a life plan for me. I will figure out to build something with no money, a laptop, internet connection and an idea. I did it five years ago, I can do it again. If the H wants to stick to where he is, that's his life. It's high time I forge my own path. He did say we should be like two plants growing side by side, not too intertwined that we'd choke each other. I used to think like that right after we got married. High time I untangled myself once more. Less stress for both of us. I can't wait for him to decide what to do with his life. I need to find solutions on my own.

(Now if only getting pregnant was that easy. About that issue, the ball is in his court so again, I told him it was his problem to solve and we're running out of time. Well it is. His problem to solve. After beating myself thinking what was wrong with me, the real question should have been, what was wrong with him?)