This is a rather old entry I did but never posted. As you can see from the date, it was a looooooong time ago. Still, some of the lessons could still be used by others, I hope. The guy has long been forgotten and the memory has faded away. Read away....
041206
A lady the never makes the first move.
This rule has been drummed into my stubborn head too many times by the conservative society that I grew up in. But then again, it’s a rule I always chafed under. Now I’m desperately trying to resist the urge to make the first contact with the “guy”.
It’s nothing, really. Just a “hi!” or whatever “witty” nonsense I could conjure out of the hat. But it’s not a good idea. There’s nothing for us to talk about. And nothing for me to say to him , except, “Hey, you owe me P500.” For a disaster, I think I would just have to mark that as a loss. The money is still worth a big deal to a spendthrift like me but given the consequences, I think I could afford to lose that much.
So, how do I motivate myself not to ping him? I mean it’s harmless, right? It’s not as if I’m up to no good. But that’s just the problem. It almost always leads to that direction, though not because I want it to. Or maybe I do?
‘Sigh’. I think it would be more prudent to exercise more caution on my own. In my experience, men aren’t as smart in hiding their escapades as they think. (Just think of the bf.) The smartest thing that they do next is admit to it. Hahaha. Now that is a direction I don’t want him to take.
But it would be so tempting to use my considerable skills in retaliation to that disastrous outing. I mean the female in me wants to humiliate the guy but the romantic in me wants him to fall instead – with a great big “thud”! He would be a considerable opponent – with skills to match my own. That’s probably the reason why I fell flat on face the last encounter in the first place. It’s okay, he placed the blame squarely on his shoulders. But I don’t think he’s repented that much, much to my chagrin.
There are things going for me. He already has a notion that I rarely lie, especially with my emotions. He knows I’m candid and has the misfortune of being unable to refuse dares. But then he knows that I can selectively choose the facts that I disclose and the emotions that I show. Hmmm…… really tempting. I could really see how I could tweak this. This looks like a good match with a worthy adversary. But would it be a game I would be willing to play?
And what if I was too successful in making him fall for me? Would I be willing to break a relationship I helped create anyway? Would I be willing to break someone else’s heart? Would I be willing to make an enemy out of a friend? Would I want him anyway? What if I fell?
I have a very good relationship with the bf – someone I love very much. Would I throw that away simply because I could hardly resist this other one? Will I leave behind 5 years of a solid relationship for a temporary high? I don’t think these are questions I’m willing to face. Sometimes, some things are better left unsaid.
Besides, in all the flings I’ve encountered, I always end up with an unexpected ego-prize ---- I end up being the one they can’t get out of their head. The one that got away. The one they still fantasize.
Maybe I should be happy with that.
Or maybe I should just make this into another story.
Maybe I will. That seems to be a more constructive course of action.
