"not tonight dear"

Normally, the wives tell this phrase to their husbands. Unfortunately in my weird world, it's the other way around. Funny, the hubby is looking at me like I'm an alien. Hello! It's not like I'm demanding marital relations every single freaking day. Gosh, the last time we had any was six months ago! How weird is that?

As with any newly-married couple, the next question is always - when are you going to have a baby? As if it doesn't make things worse as it is. And his relatives look at me as if there's something wrong with me. Hello!!! You cannot make babies through immaculate conception. Virgin Mary, I am not.

Yes, it's a ranting blog. Yes, I'm am so friggin' upset and frustrated that the last person I want to see is him. I have tried to be patient and understanding but it's leading me nowhere. And no, the usual seduction techniques do not work on him. If he was one of the boylets, I'd have turned him on so high he won't want to leave the bed. (Well, several indecent proposals ought to give you an idea where I'm coming from - unfortunately, I can't indulge in any of them anymore. I'm supposed to have left that life behind me.) Yeah, yeah, I know. That small selfish part of me wishes it wasn't so. But it is selfish and it is behind me now so I must (damn it!) literally grin and bear it.

.... and make sure I have a supply of AA batteries with me. Looks like I'm going to need it for some time. (sigh)

(hey, it comes with a health benefit. I get fit PC muscles and less cramping during my period. But of course, it would've been better to have it on a live, breathing, participating hubby, right? grrrrr.....)

rants and raves (not)

Family.... love 'em or hate 'em, they're stuck to you like a flea to a dog. While I have my issues with my rather irresponsible sisters, the one that earned my ire today is my rather snotty cousin and her ideas of success.

To be fair to her, she just asked a simple question what I was working on based on one of my Facebook statuses. While my friends simply encourage me with "go, go,go!", the cousin had to butt her head in and demand what I was working on. So in my rather sweet but snarky way I wrote that I was doing short projects for a corporate client. I can't exactly divulge the name on the internet since I just freelance but the next opportunity I get I will go to a full, detailed explanation of what I exactly do. Hmp. At least coffee-break friend appreciates the kind of analysis and writing I have to do. My snotty relatives do not. One of these days.....

Oh well, perhaps she means well. Still... I hate it when they start making you feel like the lowliest of lows. Oh well... I still snagged the best hubby around. Now I just need to produce the best babies. hehehe (bad).

...nuninuninu.... (twiddling my thumbs)

It's another one of those nights when I'm supposed to have a lot to do but I'm so bored I could cry. However, I relish the relative peace and quiet I have right now, away from the cacophony of noise at work. Still, it isn't me to be idle so here I am, blogging for all it's worth. (Nobody reads my blogs anyway. =) Still... It's here if you guys want to know what's on my rather woozy brain.

The past few weeks have been spent trying to make a fledging business work, trying (unsuccessfully) to collect on a few debts (c'mon! I was there when you needed help. I just want that help back. ASAP.), propping up a rather bruised ego and counseling a few friends. It's interesting how some parts of my personality emerge whatever situation I find myself in.

First, I hate failure. And i can still be persevering when the need arises. Maybe it's one of the reasons why despite mourning a career I am not sure I could get back to, I managed to make my small shop a success. Hey, I've only been operating for 2 months but at least I know I'm able to maintain its revenue stream, despite my chronic lateness (hehehe).

One surprising thing I found out a few days ago was that apparently, counselling is my calling. Well, not on a professional basis but even my friends would do. A friend recently confided her marriage was on the rocks and I had to help her process it in such a way that she has to find a resolution to the issue rather than resort to a quick and easy break. Of course, I had to ask the coffee-break guy for help because my friend had to see both points of view (hers and the SO). (Interestingly enough, we work well together. haha.)

Well, in between article assignments, a rather grumpy hubby (haay), a fledging micro-business and my own insecurities and what-nots, I still say it's been a rather interesting life so far. In between mindless games of "Plants vs. Zombies" (my latest stress-buster).

(Now... can I please go back to the corporate world? Or someone take pity on me and make me win the lottery. hehe)

Musings and what-nots

Okay... guilty pleasure number... what the heck, I was bored out of my mind and needed something to laugh at.

The blog and multiply site in question was by a rather weird friend who is part genius, part weirdo, a brilliant writer, rather sweet but blunt and utterly clueless about girls. Gosh, sometimes I cannot believe I went out with the guy (and had fun naman. In an innocent way. It was college.)

Okay, I'm being mean. But the cosplay was the final straw. Not the pirate or army-looking stuff. It was him pretending to be Edward Cuellen from Twilight. Robert Pattison you're not, my friend. Anyway, just goes to show you how fate is so right sometimes. I liked Jacob Black better. =)

Brain Freeze

Ennui has set in.

Four months of fruitless job searching is starting to take its toll. I'm angsty, irritable and close to despair as the job websites feature precious little of the jobs I'm qualified. I knew beforehand how hard the jobmarket would be in this economy but sometimes you can't help but hope you'd be the exemption to the norm. Just my luck.

I can't help but wonder if my qualifications are lacking, I can't do the job or I just had the misfortune of meeting bosses who think that a diploma or the number of people handled are accurate measures of being a good leader. Maybe they are factors but I can't help wishing they could look beyond the obvious and look for someone more forward-thinking. (Yes, mainly me. =p, I'm allowed to be cheeky. It's my blog after all.)

I guess I'm just not happy being stuck at home right now although I know of a lot of people who would rather have my life. Well, it just goes to show how we humans just can't get no satisfaction. Well, I like that my office commute is just a flight of stairs 5 minutes after I wake up and I don't have a boss looking over my shoulder if I'm wasting company resources on Facebook. I don't like the stiffling midday heat and the lack of company though. But that's how it is.

I suppose I should feel lucky that I have several clients I receive a steady stream of work from. Not many people who lose their job have a fallback plan they can rely on while I had them simply waiting for my return. And somehow, when one source's volume starts going down, somehow one or another source picks up the slack. Sometimes I have too much work coming in I have to turn down some assignments.

I do feel lucky but the constant writing and thinking can sometimes take their toll. It isn't easy churning out insights and analysis all the time. And since I'm a social creature, cabin fever is a constant challenge. I am so desperate for company I chat with almost everybody I encounter - interviewers, interviewees, friends and sometimes even strangers. It doesn't help that the hubby is so mum about his work and is usually too tired to talk to me when he comes home at night. Now I so try to understand his side but being alone all day can drive one crazy.

Oh well. Unfortunately, this situation is predicted to last for a few more months so I'd have to wait for the right company that can finally afford to hire me (hahaha). In the meantime, I ought to focus my attentions to my freelance work. I guess as long as I can pay my share of the bills things are still all right. I do have a lot to be thankful.

Here's crossing my fingers it doesn't drive me nuts in the meantime. =)

Early Morning Blubbering

I can't sleep.

The humidity and heat is almost unbearable. I suppose global warming is catching up to us and it's a scary thought. Anyway, I'm bracing myself for a rather hot summer.

And when it's early morning, the ghosts of the past come rushing by. While I've learned not to reget the past, sometimes the naivete I had before just astounds me. 'Sigh' Don't you ever wish you possessed the wisdom you had right now when you were 16? 18? 23? Oh well, I guess some of the fun while growing up is in letting yourself make the mistakes you made. Sometimes, you never know when fate decides to smile on you and lead you to serendipity.

I should know. Or else I might not have met The One. =D