The Boylet Chonicles - Boylets and "The Rules" Book

"The Rules" is a self-help book that basically tells females to let the man do the asking. Does that mean we have to wait in vain while they make up their minds whether they like us or not? Waiting - that we have to do. In vain? I don't think so. "The Rules" also advises women that they should just stay as fabulous and unique as they are and let the confidence attract the men like flowers to the bees. If they don't come - well, at least you went on with your life.

A friend also referred a book called "He's Just Not That Into You" which basically says the same - wait for the man to do the calling and asking. If the man really likes you, he'll do whatever is possible to be with you. If he doesn't call, he's not interested.

So how do "The Rules" relate to the boylets? If it's a booty call, it's a booty call, right?

Not all booty calls are created equal. Just as not all meantime girls are created equal. There are meantime girls that just settle for the scraps their boylets give them and then there are meantime girls who take their power on their own and explore the world for all its worth. These girls are not the sort to mope the guy's lack of commitment. They know they're fabulous just the way they are. Just because you agreed to a no-commitment physical relationship doesn't mean you ignore all common sense and let the guy have his way with you. You have to lay down the rules lest the guy think you're a doormat he can just walk over. Hey, he still has to respect you even after the fact (or sleepover. or act- whatever you call you-know-what).

Not that I claim to be the latter kind. I just figured it was useless wringing my hands and dissecting every single gesture as a declaration of their affection when I knew it was what it was. The strongest emotion they might have had would be a friendly fondness anyway. And I was in a safe place (but with a very whacked-out neurosis I don't even want to dive into) so that was that.

Anyway, long before I knew what "The Rules" were and what it contained, I let the guys do the asking. If I was free, then maybe we could go out. If I wasn't in the mood (or down with a really bad cold), I said no. One time a guy sent a text messages asking me out (you know what that means) and I was exchanging sexts (sexy, full of innuendos text messages) with him, little did he know I was in my ratty clothes, all red-nosed, bleary eyed and gargling warm salty water to ease my sore throat. I finally had to say, "No, I really can't" and tell him as much as his invitation appealed to me (hey, he was a major cutie!), I really didn't want him seeing me at my worst and catching my cold. Thankfully, he took no offense and asked me out again later. As much as we really didn't leave anything to imagination (pun intended), I wanted to retain a little bit of mystery. On how much mystery was left when he's probably seen all my hidden moles remains unknown. =)

I also had a unwritten rule then (not so unwritten now that I'm telling what it was) that I never leave the house once I've literally checked in for the day. Since I lived inside a village where public transport has a rather early curfew, I hated going out late in the evening. I am not about to stick my neck out for a guy who gives no consideration for my safety. If the guy wanted to see me, he'd have to really go out of his way and drive or take a cab to my place. It's a convenient way of knowing if the guy really wants you. If he does, he'll come and get you, come hell or high water.

(Oh, I know one guy who drove 30 or so kilometers to the girl's apartment late one evening. And since he didn't bring his cell, he had to stop at an internet shop to get her home phone number and find a payphone to call her before he went to her place. He wasn't even sure if she was awake. Now that's a lot of effort for an unsure thing.)

I've made one or two mistakes of being too available and true enough, they eventually went nowhere (translation - the guy lost interest). But those that I valued myself enough to make them do the effort of asking and impressing me - they came back for more. I actually had an argument with a friend about who was responsible for what until I told him he always initiated things and I wasn't even trying to seduce him at all. He shut up (and had to make up for that mini-fight. *wink*).

A cautionary tale for not following "The Rules". A friend made the first move by calling the guy who barely remembered her (he remembered me though) and practically initiated their first few dates together. Now the guy takes her for granted and hardly makes an effort to see her. She tried the rules on him but it was too late - he never saw her as someone worth pursuing.

Boyfriend or boylet material, always let them do the "active" pursuing. They love the challenge. You just have to cast the challenge first - but make it clear they have to work for it. If they're into you - they'll make every effort possible to be with you.

Not that I'm deluding myself and declaring me a femme fatale. I was more bemused and curious than flattered by the situation and wondered why they wanted a rather eccentric, opinionated, loud and curvy (read: chubby) female. I don't know how their mind works so I can't give you an answer for that.

But heed "The Rules" - even for such a casual thing. If the guy knows you're worth it he'll put on the effort to make you feel as good as he can. And come back for more. =p