Boylet Chronicles - Boy, Toy Ban?

I just had to react to these two weird articles:

http://www.sunstar.com.ph/manila/local-news/2011/05/12/lawmaker-wants-distribution-sex-toys-regulated-155178

http://www.sunstar.com.ph/baguio/local-news/2011/10/18/banning-sex-toys-baguio-pushed-185776

While I admit they shouldn't be sold where minors can see them, it's speculation to say they lead to the demoralization of society and an increase in sex crimes. Regulate them if you will but banning them is plain ridiculous. Whether or not those toys exist, sex crimes will happen unless people, especially men, learn to respect women and not objectify them.

Toys can enhance a relationship, weirdly enough. It helps the couple have a sense of adventure and improve their intimacy. When it's sex with a person you trust, using them can definitely improve things in the bedroom. And when things aren't going right in the bedroom, they're the only things that can help you hang on to your sanity. (between the toys and a strong possibility to commit a more serious sin, I'd choose the toys any day. All I need are a fresh set of batteries and I can buzz my stress and frustration away).

So, Mr Counselor-for-a-day and Mr Congressman, please stay the hell away from my bedroom. We do not need a bunch of tight-a$$ed puritans running our lives.

Quiquay's Self Affirmations

Today I claim my life back.

No, I haven't run away. I'm still happily with the H (well, most days. That's another story). When I say I'm claiming my life back, I am going to try bringing back the old Quiquay - driven, motivated and ambitious to the core. I am going to plan my life and my own financial independence. I want that security. I now realize I can't keep expecting H to take us out of the doldrums. He's not going to leave his job when he loves everybody there. I know it's hard to find the camaraderie like they have. But the pay is peanuts and it's never going to be enough to support both of us if we want to have a more secure future. He's always going to sit there helplessly when all the usual avenues have been explored. Despite all his bluster about being the "rebel", the ironic thing is, he's as traditional as they come.

So again, it's got to be me. Unfortunately, I'm past the point where traditional potential employers would put my resume at the top of the pile and hire me. Being out of the corporate world for three years has ruined any chance of getting my old rate and level back, despite all my other accomplishments as a freelancer and micropreneur. I know I won't be hired at the rate and position I want. They will be asking me to start at a lower level if I'm lucky enough or ignore me altogether because I'm overqualified. So there you go. I can't get hired at my old level because I've been gone too long and I can't get hired at a lower level because I'm overqualified. What's a girl to do?

Why not hire herself? If I can't find the opportunities, I'll make them instead. I need to think out of the box. I'll make an honest-to-goodness business plan and a life plan for me. I will figure out to build something with no money, a laptop, internet connection and an idea. I did it five years ago, I can do it again. If the H wants to stick to where he is, that's his life. It's high time I forge my own path. He did say we should be like two plants growing side by side, not too intertwined that we'd choke each other. I used to think like that right after we got married. High time I untangled myself once more. Less stress for both of us. I can't wait for him to decide what to do with his life. I need to find solutions on my own.

(Now if only getting pregnant was that easy. About that issue, the ball is in his court so again, I told him it was his problem to solve and we're running out of time. Well it is. His problem to solve. After beating myself thinking what was wrong with me, the real question should have been, what was wrong with him?)

Boylet Chronicles - Letting Go

The strain of life just weighed me down too much last month that I literally took a breather and hied myself out of town to visit my childhood friends. Because I always took the night trip and for the life of me could not find my way to one of my girl friends' house on my own I asked another friend (the childhood friend ex-boylet) if I could crash at his place for a few hours until our friend could meet up or he could bring me to her place in the morning.

Thankfully he said yes and I got to his place all shivery and sleepy (it was darned cold!) in the wee hours of the morning. Given how things used to be between us it was admittedly not one of my better ideas because we both got nearly undone again. I said nearly, not all the way. There were just too many fellas in bed - him, me and two guilty consciences so we had a truce and finally, officially closed that chapter we never really discussed. And that was that. I'm a very easy girl to talk to.

Unfortunately, he stayed in bed (both of us clothed, by the way) and just about poured his heart out to me about his current and past relationships (me not included - he's always been a friend, not a boyfriend), his issues about his exes and as is the norm with our group, life in general (and that includes other friends and his numerous relatives). At 5 o'clock in the friggin' morning. And to me who has not gone to sleep for almost 24 hours and has not gotten enough sleep in the past 2 weeks. If I didn't love this guy (as a friend, that's all), I would have gladly wrung his neck or just plain ignored him so I could sleep. (Our friend - the girl I was to stay with - actually does that to him - fall asleep at a drop of a hat - and leave him frustrated that he couldn't continue his many stories. (hahaha!) )

But this is me and I sensed that he just wanted a friend to listen to him and help him figure out stuff so I stifled my yawns as I listened to his woes, tried to interpret the scenarios, admired his photos and encouraged him with his endeavors (and just about criticized his budding portfolio as well - hey, I know the trends and he's got a long way to go if he wants to be a professional). As I told our other friend, it was basically show and tell and it amused me as hell - despite being sleepy.

And I realized as I was on the ride home that what I missed from him after these last few years filled with unexpressed and unfulfilled sexual tension was the friendship. I was almost always the only female friend he would tell about the going-ons of his life that the others didn't know about. Hey, I may be loud and opinionated but I make a pretty good sounding board. And somehow, getting closure and letting go from the most unlikely source made me realize I do have it in me to somehow fix my life. And I will. One step at a time.

After getting some sleep and watching the film "Friends With Benefits" of all things, I finally said goodbye to him - the boylet part of the equation, that is (though physically, that has been over such a long time ago). For years we've been trying to avoid scenarios that would end up with us alone even for a few minutes because of what could possibly happen. Maybe this time we could both relax and be like we were before - just two really good friends. Sometimes, in order to be free you just have to let go.

Sorry seems to be the hardest word (cliche as it may seem)

It's another big fight night and as much as I want to understand where the other is coming from, I can't. He says he didn't get to eat dinner because I came home late. He knows I told him I was meeting a friend for coffee and will be home late. I came home an hour later than what I said I would because of the downpour. Maybe it was thoughtless of me to assume he would cope just fine but all I got when I got home was a guy who was mad because I wasn't the obedient wife who came home early when he wanted to. And telling me this was the third time I did it. This coming from a guy who was lecturing a bunch of singletons the other night about giving their partners space and freedom to pursue their own interests and meet other people.

Because I didn't want to make the situation worse, I held my own tongue and refrained from mentioning he left me all hungry just last night because he came home two hours late (and worse, there was no food at the house so he said he was bringing home dinner). I lost count how many times this happened. Oh, and what about the times he left me waiting for nothing because he slept ahead and wasted the month's cycle? Oh, just about every month in the past few years. The last time we did it? Oh, that was last year. The last time I was satisfied? Five effing years ago.

But I held my tongue and just walked away after mumbling my apologies. I didn't want it to get worse. After all, according to him I should be content with my lot. But I'm not. I was never meant, nor had any intentions, to be a meek hausfrau. Sometimes you just have to pick your fights. This is not it.

Boy, but for the first time, I didn't want to say sorry. I'm tired of having to subjugate my needs for his. Unfortunately, love teaches us that some sacrifices have to be made. And once more, it has to be me. I had been thoughtless. But for once, I would love to hear a sincere sorry from his end. Then again, sorry seems to be the hardest word to say.