I came across this excerpt from Emma Rose Byham from her book Was It Even Abuse? that describes some of my experience when the H started spiraling into his depression and childhood PTSD rabbit hole. We tend to excuse a lot of behaviors from our partners as one-offs and tolerable because "he's not hitting me". We don't recognize the toxic pattern or constant negative comments, put-downs, explosive rants, and silent treatments because, "of course, if he hit me, I would leave him."
But what if he doesn't really hit you? What if he's saying, "oh, I just picked her up from a random pile", or "oh, the old ball and chain?" What if he comes home, greets the dog, asks the dog how it was, feed, cuddle, and walk the dog, yet not speak a single word to you? What if he forgets your birthday because he thinks it isn't important enough? What if the silent treatment, when you've done nothing wrong, lasts weeks, or even months? "Oh, he's not hitting me. I don't think it's abuse."
So what is abuse? What sort of action becomes emotional abuse?
What I do know is that I deserve to be loved, and cherished. I don't deserve to be punished for something I don't even know what.
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