Posts

Overqualified

Image
This was the first time I was being let go for being.... overqualified. Argh, the universe is so not on my side these days.   So my sister referred me to this new agency that was looking for remote executive assistance. Since it was my wheelhouse and my other work was manageable, I tried it out. And was surprised when a bunch of obviously pirated training materials were dumped on us with instructions to watch the videos and create a new training outline.  After delivering that outline, and making suggestions on how to create the company's own brand, we were given another task. And got praised for stellar results. But my colleague who had more frequent errors and mistakes passed the screening and I was let go. I just had to laugh but I'm too much of a professional to be bitter about it. And actually even handed the right words to say to the client. Which is even funnier in hindsight. Oh well, when it's not a good fit, it's not a good fit. We just move on. Seems like a p

Restart

Image
When your laptop freezes and you need it to continue, what do you do? Make a hard restart, that is. Stop everything you're doing, pray you've saved something, and restart all systems. Looks like a perfect analogy for my life. Middle-aged, a partner frozen by his complex childhood traumas and current depression, and me in despair on how to deal with everything. I cannot tolerate being ACTIVELY ignored, all attempts at engaging and helping immediately shot down. I was not raised to be a martyr and I love myself enough to care about how it's affecting me. I love my partner, but I won't stand to stay still and just roll with the punches. This is akin to emotional abuse already, regardless of his condition. He still has all his mental faculties so no, if I am to live a healthy life, I have to leave the situation. Which is what I did more than a year ago while I wait for him to come to his senses. He's still not there, and I have no idea when he'll get aro

Heartbreak

Image
Note: I wrote this one a year ago, when things took a turn for the worst, and I was seeing no progress in the situation. I felt like the rug had been pulled from under me. I was no longer a cherished spouse. I was a stranger. After 2 decades of being together, it was ennui that broke us apart.  *******  04222023 I finally broke down.  This was my first full-on, ugly cry since I noticed a change from the lakay about 2 months ago; about 7 weeks from him dismissing my birthday, and 3 weeks since he admitted he thinks he has depression. As a psych graduate, we’re more attuned than most on psychological disorders and I immediately honed in on asking him to go to a doctor to get tested, a prescription, and sessions to give him the skills to work through it. I was shut down immediately.  Since his announcement two weeks ago, I’ve been on tether hooks trying to understand and cope. I know I am not at fault, and I would be crazy to blame myself for his condition. But to sit idly by while he su

Hello Again

I have been suffering from a humongous writer's block for the longest time and I thought maybe this entry would house some of  my ramblings and get me going (so I can finally finish a lot of my pending projects). It is hard, though, when your sanity seems to be hanging by a thread and grief comes at me like a mack truck without warning. I miss my mom badly. And I've been putting off writing anything about it because it's like being trapped in a living nightmare when I relive her last year and last days. It's not easy trying to hold yourself together and continue to function a mere few minutes later because, let's face it, life goes on. So, hello again. I will have to continue with life and try to honor my mom's memory by helping others as much as I can once more. I know she's smiling down from heaven at us.

Hanging by a Thread

Image
What do you do when you're barely hanging on to your sanity and everything seems to be falling apart around you? What do you do when it's YOU that everyone is counting upon and you can't afford to show your own weaknesses? I've been asking myself the same questions for months now, since my sister had an accident and now as my mother got diagnosed with cancer. My sister doesn't exactly have the best social skills and reputation so it was left to me to promise payment for most of what we borrowed. My father was still paying my brother's debts so he couldn't contribute much. My little sister sent what she could but it barely made a dent on the bill. And so, just to be able to take her home, we borrowed from everyone we could. And so I thought I was making progress when I received news about my mother's health. As much as I was hoping it wasn't anything serious, fate dealt another blow when tests showed it was cancer - the aggressive kind. Never on

Getting ready (or why you should have an unrequited love before you fall in love)

Image
I read this blog from a link a former coach posted over at FB. http://thoughtcatalog.com/wes-janisen/2013/08/you-should-fall-for-someone-who-doesnt-love-you/ This was my life before the One came along. That one I ended up with. The boy behind the door who was infinitely more interesting than the so-called cute boy-next-door types. While I would boldly go and face each adventure and challenge I met with enthusiasm, the male species and love stumped me. Oh, I had no problem talking to them and being friends but I was always friend-zoned. On the "annoyingly nosy and know-it-all friend" zone. It didn't help that I was competitive and would literally challenge any classmate's dominance. I knew what I wanted and I wanted a guy who could get past that. Sadly, that didn't happen. The first and longest one was a classmate who was in the class honor roll like me. I was suspicious of anyone trying to knock me off my top perch and he was the number one suspect. We fought

Just another day in (so-called) paradise

It's just one of those days when things just pile up one on top of the other and boil over. I don't want to get to the blaming game but why is it that I always end up looking like the bad guy? Maybe it's not enough to work 12-hour days and more. Maybe I need to be superwoman? But I'm not. I wish someone understood that. 'sigh' Yeah, just one of those days.