Quiquay: quirks

I just had to react to these two weird articles: http://www.sunstar.com.ph/manila/local-news/2011/05/12/lawmaker-wants-distribution-sex-toys-regulated-155178 http://www.sunstar.com.ph/baguio/local-news/2011/10/18/banning-sex-toys-baguio-pushed-185776 While I admit they shouldn't be sold where minors can see them, it's speculation to say they lead to the demoralization of society and an increase in sex crimes. Regulate them if you will but banning them is plain ridiculous. Whether or not those toys exist, sex crimes will happen unless people, especially men, learn to respect women and not objectify them. Toys can enhance a relationship, weirdly enough. It helps the couple have a sense of adventure and improve their intimacy. When it's sex with a person you trust, using them can definitely improve things in the bedroom. And when things aren't going right in the bedroom, they're the only things that can help you hang on to your sanity. (between the toys and a strong p

Today I claim my life back. No, I haven't run away. I'm still happily with the H (well, most days. That's another story). When I say I'm claiming my life back, I am going to try bringing back the old Quiquay - driven, motivated and ambitious to the core. I am going to plan my life and my own financial independence. I want that security. I now realize I can't keep expecting H to take us out of the doldrums. He's not going to leave his job when he loves everybody there. I know it's hard to find the camaraderie like they have. But the pay is peanuts and it's never going to be enough to support both of us if we want to have a more secure future. He's always going to sit there helplessly when all the usual avenues have been explored. Despite all his bluster about being the "rebel", the ironic thing is, he's as traditional as they come. So again, it's got to be me. Unfortunately, I'm past the point where traditional potential employer

The strain of life just weighed me down too much last month that I literally took a breather and hied myself out of town to visit my childhood friends. Because I always took the night trip and for the life of me could not find my way to one of my girl friends' house on my own I asked another friend (the childhood friend ex-boylet) if I could crash at his place for a few hours until our friend could meet up or he could bring me to her place in the morning. Thankfully he said yes and I got to his place all shivery and sleepy (it was darned cold!) in the wee hours of the morning. Given how things used to be between us it was admittedly not one of my better ideas because we both got nearly undone again. I said nearly, not all the way. There were just too many fellas in bed - him, me and two guilty consciences so we had a truce and finally, officially closed that chapter we never really discussed. And that was that. I'm a very easy girl to talk to. Unfortunately, he stayed in bed (b

It's another big fight night and as much as I want to understand where the other is coming from, I can't. He says he didn't get to eat dinner because I came home late. He knows I told him I was meeting a friend for coffee and will be home late. I came home an hour later than what I said I would because of the downpour. Maybe it was thoughtless of me to assume he would cope just fine but all I got when I got home was a guy who was mad because I wasn't the obedient wife who came home early when he wanted to. And telling me this was the third time I did it. This coming from a guy who was lecturing a bunch of singletons the other night about giving their partners space and freedom to pursue their own interests and meet other people. Because I didn't want to make the situation worse, I held my own tongue and refrained from mentioning he left me all hungry just last night because he came home two hours late (and worse, there was no food at the house so he said he was brin

I'm trying to breathe and stay in control at the moment but all I want to do is scream in frustration and break a lot of dishes (preferably at the hubby's head). After agreeing to have a go at the bedroom, he bails out on me again with another lame excuse (he fell asleep). This is the nth time in 3 1/2 years of marriage. I even had to explain that the ovum only lives 12-24 hours which makes the chances of catching it slim every time he delays. I am so near the breaking point I just want to have that big fight to know what to do next. The last thing I want to have is learned helplessness and that is so against my nature. Where's divine intervention when I need one?

How do you tell someone about your painful past when it's something you've long buried in shame? How do you tell your family to stay clear of someone without exposing your "dirty laundry"? In this age of social media, it makes it even more difficult to avoid meeting people from your past you'd rather forget. The last post had me ranting about the nerve of this cousin who wanted to befriend me in FB. I said "NO FREAKING WAY!" and ignored his request. But when he started commenting on my sisters' pages and pictures, I started to grow alarmed. As long as he's at the other end of the country, I can forget about him. But with cheap flights around these islands, I worry that it's only a matter of time before he tries to contact my pretty sisters in person and they suffer the same fate I did. I hope to God not. Still, I know I won't be able to avoid it any longer. I need to keep them safe. In a sense it was probably luck I got the short end

I was having a nice week so far some time ago when one my Facebook notices almost had me spiralling out of control. A cousin who had molested me as a child wanted to join my network as a friend. What the hell? He ruined my life decades ago and now he wants to connect with me? Is he out of his mind? I so wanted to hunt him down right then and there and slash him to ribbons without any regrets. I spent years distrusting the opposite sex. I ended relationships in my head long before they had any chance of blooming just because I was afraid they'd discover I wasn't lily-white. I grew up feeling bad about knowing about the birds and bees long before I should have discovered about it naturally. I made so many mistakes I shouldn't have. I grew up feeling dirty and guilty. And it wasn't my fault. I studied human behavior because I wanted to understand myself and maybe learn how to heal. As a teenager, I flinched at almost every contact with the opposite sex. I shrugged off frie

Let's admit it - there's something exciting about tempting fate, the thrill of getting away with something you shouldn't be doing, or be caught doing it. Remember the excitement of doing it in the most unexpected places and the danger of getting caught? Yeah, we've been there at least once in our lives. There's one rule you do have to remember - don't ever get caught! What lies ahead when you do get caught? Oh, only embarrassment and a slew of other issues I'm sure you can do without. Like having to convince the guard or that unwanted audience to let you go. Getting a lecture from the police. Explaining to your friends why you couldn't wait to get a room. Or, heaven forbid, you're in a relationship and it becomes a deal breaker. Oh, the snickers, the knowing looks, the gossip behind your back, the embarrassment. Frankly, I'd rather not deal with all of those. It's hilarious on TV, not so in real life. Yeah, we all like a little excitement. Be

Almost a year to the day I wrote the first part, the same issue rears its ugly head again. This time, I confess I was the guilty party - I was too frustrated to edit my word blurted a rather harsh line - "I wish you were man enough." It was a typical night of banter when I uttered that line to myself in response to his laughing remark of "What? You don't think I'm man enough to wear it?" A few minutes before dinner I just got rejected again when I suggested we could make a go at it because I was ovulating (I know. Hormones and tempers don't mix). I know it was harsh and his anger was understandable. I gave him a few minutes to cool off and tried to apologize. He was still fuming and said I might as well post it on Facebook for everybody to see. First, I rarely post about him or us and second, it's always something I find endearing about him. Now tell me if that's undermining him. My private life is just that - private. Giving up is not in my bloo

"Why can't it be more than friendship?" I was sitting at the next table when the guy I had a crush on (and a recent boylet at the time) asked this to my friend that I set him up with just that night. The guy was smitten. Already feeling miserable from some extra-strong antibiotics my doctor prescribed the day before and wearing 5-inch heels for the company year-end party we attended, my heart dropped to the floor when his attraction transferred to my pretty friend. They were a perfect match (at least I thought so at that time). He was attractive in an intelligent way accented by that DJ-like voice. He was smart and articulate to boot. She was petite and pretty with a mean understanding of philosophy and science (which I conveniently forgot as soon as I finished college.) The funny thing was, it was my idea to introduce them to each other because I just wasn't that interested in the guy (or so I thought). On hindsight, he was rather clingy - which I really didn't l

"You? A wallflower? I don't believe it!" A friend's shocked comments one coffee date ago had me explaining the weird phenomenon of Quiquay ending up as a wallflower. The poor guy couldn't believe loud, gregarious, passably cute me would ever end up as a wallflower. Oh, you better believe it, pal. I was a true-blue, certified bluestocking wallflower. For a loud girl who loved to dance to end up as a wallflower seems impossible but I was. During prom, I remember watching in desperation as my crush danced with other girls and I had to dance with every other drooling minion my nemesis could command. It was also sweet torture to talk and smile at him in an after-prom party and pretend everything was fine. And like some weird plot that could only happen in TV-landia or my life, I also had to frustratingly wait in the sidelines and watch him court other girls while simultaneously acting as a gatekeeper between me and some suitors. In their world of bro-code, he couldn

"The Rules" is a self-help book that basically tells females to let the man do the asking. Does that mean we have to wait in vain while they make up their minds whether they like us or not? Waiting - that we have to do. In vain? I don't think so. "The Rules" also advises women that they should just stay as fabulous and unique as they are and let the confidence attract the men like flowers to the bees. If they don't come - well, at least you went on with your life. A friend also referred a book called "He's Just Not That Into You" which basically says the same - wait for the man to do the calling and asking. If the man really likes you, he'll do whatever is possible to be with you. If he doesn't call, he's not interested. So how do "The Rules" relate to the boylets? If it's a booty call, it's a booty call, right? Not all booty calls are created equal. Just as not all meantime girls are created equal. There are

Any self-respecting, dating girl will tell you, it's all about the kiss. Relationships - permanent or otherwise, have been made or broken by kisses. Literally. Despite all the crap women have been served, we still subscribe to the fairy tale that there's this magical kiss that tells us he's the one. Clueless men will ask - what's all the big fuss about kissing? If the objective is sex, does one need to bother with the preliminaries? If a man thinks that way, it's a wonder how he manages to hook up in the first place - unless he looks like hunky Papa P that he could get away on looks alone. Evolutionary psychologists suggest that kissing as a mating behavior started as a way to test potential partners' immune system. In short, our salivas are supposed to contain neurochemicals that are tested if we're compatible with each other, not to mention if we're healthy and fertile. If that's the case, won't saliva exchange be enough? Why go through all the

I generally like most of the guys I dated before I met the eventual H and he all but laid his claim on me. This one boylet, who we can call Safari Guy, was cooky and sweet but managed to be awkward and so full of himself in one go. What happened between us could be a lesson on boylet do's and don'ts. Just because a girl is willing doesn't mean you have to take advantage of her. For goodness' sake, think about her pleasure as well. I met SG during a trip a long, long time ago. He was the perfect summer fling. He was kinda cute and sweet so our group decided he was safe and we teased him mercilessly. We hit off and became friends soon after. There was an underlying attraction but we ignored it. He decided I wasn't his type (I was too loud, kikay and Pinay for his taste) and I sensed that reluctance in him so I focused my energies on healing from a trauma which happened a few months before he met me and crushing on more unattainable, crush-ng-bayan type guys. W

Disclosures: I am not a femme fatale. If you asked my what made me appealing to men you would probably get a blank stare. I honestly have no idea. And no, I am not one of those pretty girls who are unaware of their looks. Oh, I know the way I look. Every self-respecting kikay girl knows how to make the best of her features. Still, it boggles my mind why guys would be interested in a chubby, cheeky, button-nosed girl like me (past and present). Maybe they liked my wit and personality? Who knows? I never asked. Anyway, this entry isn't about my body issues (which I don't care much for anyway) but the boylets out there (not always my story though) who, in one way or the other, have helped me cope with the various issues of my life - directly and indirectly. Yes, not all men are jerks and if they were jerks, their bulls**t certainly never got past me. Well, these events are from another lifetime (as in really long ago) but in a fit of pique (or boredom), I just thought it m

Sometimes a girl has a weird set of ethics. Mine willed me to ask coffee-break friend if it would be alright to blog about the boylets. I figured since future topics might involve him I ought to ask if it was okay to write about the topic. It took him an hour or so to respond to the inquiry and not surprisingly, I got a resounding NO. Well, he is right that any detail I write about is inviting trouble. However, since I don't think I would become a blogging superstar anyway, I think I could write about situations and opinions in general but never about the particulars. I don't think that's going to land me in hot water anyway. Still, it would've been fun to write about him. He would probably have taken top prize. =)

First things first. Let's define both words: boy - (noun) a male child from birth to puberty -let - (noun) suffix ,small one Therefore a boylet is a small boy? Not. As some blogs metioned, at first take you's think the same way too. However, the origin of the language came from gay-speak for "fling material", like asking "Saan ba may boylet dito?" A boylet is neither boy nor boyfriend. A boylet is not a boyfriend with commitment rights and all that the title entails. The boylet does not have a committed relationship to the object of lust (or affection, however you put it). For all intents and purposes, a boylet is a casual fling. He's there for sex. And maybe a friendly ear and occasional (hot) date as well. But it's never an affair of the heart. There are unwritten rules, you know. Now some people may ask, "a casual fling? But why?". Just because. Sometimes, you just want it without worrying about issues like commitment and maintenance

This isn't a how-to on how to find your own boylet. Honestly, I have no idea how to look for one, I haven't looked for one at all and I'm not looking for one. (That part of my life is over). I don't have a face or body that would launch a thousand ships, much less a paper boat. In that past chapter of my life, the guys just happened to appear when I wasn't even looking and things just fell into place. In short, they were friends long before anything happened. This is, however, a basic list of rules I tried to follow and could be helpful for others as well. Here goes... 1. NEVER fall in love . This is a given. Forget the fairy tale that he'll come to his senses and see you for the gorgeous and enchanting creature that you are once he sees what he could have. It's not going to happen. If you have good chemistry in bed, he might want to go back. But just for sex. It's the bitter truth so if you can't separate the feeling from the act, don't even go

After several days of frantic writing and proofreading for a client, there is surprisingly little left for me to do for the next few days. I do have several projects lined up but at least I still have the luxury of a few days before turning them in. So what to do? I've been churning my head for something creative to do when it hit me - write something! But what? Another essay on my recent angst? An advice column? I haven't been the least inspired in that alley lately so I thought I'd give voice to all the fantasies going inside my head for a change. Well, the blog is about life, love and lust, isn't it? Why not try my hand at the last topic? Unless of course, like previous efforts, I'd blush at my own efforts and stop just when things are getting interesting. Then maybe I'd try my hand at a sexier brand of lit. =) Hey, just because I'm this boring wife right now doesn't mean I can't have an active imagination anymore. =)