Boylet Chronicles: A lady never makes the first move

This is a rather old entry I did but never posted. As you can see from the date, it was a looooooong time ago. Still, some of the lessons could still be used by others, I hope. The guy has long been forgotten and the memory has faded away. Read away....

041206

A lady the never makes the first move.

This rule has been drummed into my stubborn head too many times by the conservative society that I grew up in. But then again, it’s a rule I always chafed under. Now I’m desperately trying to resist the urge to make the first contact with the “guy”.

It’s nothing, really. Just a “hi!” or whatever “witty” nonsense I could conjure out of the hat. But it’s not a good idea. There’s nothing for us to talk about. And nothing for me to say to him , except, “Hey, you owe me P500.” For a disaster, I think I would just have to mark that as a loss. The money is still worth a big deal to a spendthrift like me but given the consequences, I think I could afford to lose that much.

So, how do I motivate myself not to ping him? I mean it’s harmless, right? It’s not as if I’m up to no good. But that’s just the problem. It almost always leads to that direction, though not because I want it to. Or maybe I do?

‘Sigh’. I think it would be more prudent to exercise more caution on my own. In my experience, men aren’t as smart in hiding their escapades as they think. (Just think of the bf.) The smartest thing that they do next is admit to it. Hahaha. Now that is a direction I don’t want him to take.

But it would be so tempting to use my considerable skills in retaliation to that disastrous outing. I mean the female in me wants to humiliate the guy but the romantic in me wants him to fall instead – with a great big “thud”! He would be a considerable opponent – with skills to match my own. That’s probably the reason why I fell flat on face the last encounter in the first place. It’s okay, he placed the blame squarely on his shoulders. But I don’t think he’s repented that much, much to my chagrin.

There are things going for me. He already has a notion that I rarely lie, especially with my emotions. He knows I’m candid and has the misfortune of being unable to refuse dares. But then he knows that I can selectively choose the facts that I disclose and the emotions that I show. Hmmm…… really tempting. I could really see how I could tweak this. This looks like a good match with a worthy adversary. But would it be a game I would be willing to play?

And what if I was too successful in making him fall for me? Would I be willing to break a relationship I helped create anyway? Would I be willing to break someone else’s heart? Would I be willing to make an enemy out of a friend? Would I want him anyway? What if I fell?

I have a very good relationship with the bf – someone I love very much. Would I throw that away simply because I could hardly resist this other one? Will I leave behind 5 years of a solid relationship for a temporary high? I don’t think these are questions I’m willing to face. Sometimes, some things are better left unsaid.

Besides, in all the flings I’ve encountered, I always end up with an unexpected ego-prize ---- I end up being the one they can’t get out of their head. The one that got away. The one they still fantasize.

Maybe I should be happy with that.

Or maybe I should just make this into another story.

Maybe I will. That seems to be a more constructive course of action.

Maybe There's Something Wrong With Me?

... like I'm not pretty enough.
... or slim enough.
... or sexy enough.
... or interesting enough.
... or smart enough.
... or good in bed enough.

If any of those reasons is the case, can someone please explain how I got two indecent proposals from two ex-boylets (coffee break friend and the buddy) last week? And include one very interested look from childhood friend when he saw a clip of me from dance class while fiddling with my phone.

To answer your next question, I politely declined all of them.

But it was tempting. =) In the meantime, ang haba ng hair ng lola mo! Hahaha.

Boylet Chronicles - Boy, Toy Ban?

I just had to react to these two weird articles:

http://www.sunstar.com.ph/manila/local-news/2011/05/12/lawmaker-wants-distribution-sex-toys-regulated-155178

http://www.sunstar.com.ph/baguio/local-news/2011/10/18/banning-sex-toys-baguio-pushed-185776

While I admit they shouldn't be sold where minors can see them, it's speculation to say they lead to the demoralization of society and an increase in sex crimes. Regulate them if you will but banning them is plain ridiculous. Whether or not those toys exist, sex crimes will happen unless people, especially men, learn to respect women and not objectify them.

Toys can enhance a relationship, weirdly enough. It helps the couple have a sense of adventure and improve their intimacy. When it's sex with a person you trust, using them can definitely improve things in the bedroom. And when things aren't going right in the bedroom, they're the only things that can help you hang on to your sanity. (between the toys and a strong possibility to commit a more serious sin, I'd choose the toys any day. All I need are a fresh set of batteries and I can buzz my stress and frustration away).

So, Mr Counselor-for-a-day and Mr Congressman, please stay the hell away from my bedroom. We do not need a bunch of tight-a$$ed puritans running our lives.

Boylet Chronicles - Letting Go

The strain of life just weighed me down too much last month that I literally took a breather and hied myself out of town to visit my childhood friends. Because I always took the night trip and for the life of me could not find my way to one of my girl friends' house on my own I asked another friend (the childhood friend ex-boylet) if I could crash at his place for a few hours until our friend could meet up or he could bring me to her place in the morning.

Thankfully he said yes and I got to his place all shivery and sleepy (it was darned cold!) in the wee hours of the morning. Given how things used to be between us it was admittedly not one of my better ideas because we both got nearly undone again. I said nearly, not all the way. There were just too many fellas in bed - him, me and two guilty consciences so we had a truce and finally, officially closed that chapter we never really discussed. And that was that. I'm a very easy girl to talk to.

Unfortunately, he stayed in bed (both of us clothed, by the way) and just about poured his heart out to me about his current and past relationships (me not included - he's always been a friend, not a boyfriend), his issues about his exes and as is the norm with our group, life in general (and that includes other friends and his numerous relatives). At 5 o'clock in the friggin' morning. And to me who has not gone to sleep for almost 24 hours and has not gotten enough sleep in the past 2 weeks. If I didn't love this guy (as a friend, that's all), I would have gladly wrung his neck or just plain ignored him so I could sleep. (Our friend - the girl I was to stay with - actually does that to him - fall asleep at a drop of a hat - and leave him frustrated that he couldn't continue his many stories. (hahaha!) )

But this is me and I sensed that he just wanted a friend to listen to him and help him figure out stuff so I stifled my yawns as I listened to his woes, tried to interpret the scenarios, admired his photos and encouraged him with his endeavors (and just about criticized his budding portfolio as well - hey, I know the trends and he's got a long way to go if he wants to be a professional). As I told our other friend, it was basically show and tell and it amused me as hell - despite being sleepy.

And I realized as I was on the ride home that what I missed from him after these last few years filled with unexpressed and unfulfilled sexual tension was the friendship. I was almost always the only female friend he would tell about the going-ons of his life that the others didn't know about. Hey, I may be loud and opinionated but I make a pretty good sounding board. And somehow, getting closure and letting go from the most unlikely source made me realize I do have it in me to somehow fix my life. And I will. One step at a time.

After getting some sleep and watching the film "Friends With Benefits" of all things, I finally said goodbye to him - the boylet part of the equation, that is (though physically, that has been over such a long time ago). For years we've been trying to avoid scenarios that would end up with us alone even for a few minutes because of what could possibly happen. Maybe this time we could both relax and be like we were before - just two really good friends. Sometimes, in order to be free you just have to let go.

The Boylet Chronicles - Do's and Don'ts - Don't Get Caught

Let's admit it - there's something exciting about tempting fate, the thrill of getting away with something you shouldn't be doing, or be caught doing it. Remember the excitement of doing it in the most unexpected places and the danger of getting caught? Yeah, we've been there at least once in our lives. There's one rule you do have to remember - don't ever get caught!

What lies ahead when you do get caught? Oh, only embarrassment and a slew of other issues I'm sure you can do without. Like having to convince the guard or that unwanted audience to let you go. Getting a lecture from the police. Explaining to your friends why you couldn't wait to get a room. Or, heaven forbid, you're in a relationship and it becomes a deal breaker. Oh, the snickers, the knowing looks, the gossip behind your back, the embarrassment. Frankly, I'd rather not deal with all of those. It's hilarious on TV, not so in real life.

Yeah, we all like a little excitement. Believe me, I've done it in a car, at the office (a very long time ago), one of the dark corners of the campus (but I won't tell you where. LOL), the living room (while my sibling was sleeping in the other room) and in a hotel room with a bunch of friends (that earned the guy some dagger looks from me when the others were out of sight. No, they never suspected a thing. At least I hope so.). I can't say I didn't like it. It was something different from the usual stuff and the possibility of getting caught - but getting away with it - made those encounters very memorable (oh yes, very.) Remember trying not to let out that moan? The shushing and trying so hard to be quiet? (Oh, yessss.) Still, when the adrenaline and those feel-good hormones fade away, I wanted to smack my head for being stupid enough to take the risk.

I've been lucky enough not to get caught - so far. Well, I did - once. Coffee-break guy and I were chatting up a storm one night in campus when the guards shone a light in his car. Funny thing was, we weren't even doing anything but talk! Still, it was nice to learn that lesson early because I was more careful the next time. Make that a lot of next times. =)

'Sigh' Yes, I miss those days compared to my days of forced celibacy these days. Still, I'm glad I was careful because as far as the world knows, I'm this giggly, demure girl. (Boylets just know otherwise.)

The Boylet Chronicles - The Pitfalls of Falling

"Why can't it be more than friendship?"

I was sitting at the next table when the guy I had a crush on (and a recent boylet at the time) asked this to my friend that I set him up with just that night. The guy was smitten.

Already feeling miserable from some extra-strong antibiotics my doctor prescribed the day before and wearing 5-inch heels for the company year-end party we attended, my heart dropped to the floor when his attraction transferred to my pretty friend. They were a perfect match (at least I thought so at that time). He was attractive in an intelligent way accented by that DJ-like voice. He was smart and articulate to boot. She was petite and pretty with a mean understanding of philosophy and science (which I conveniently forgot as soon as I finished college.) The funny thing was, it was my idea to introduce them to each other because I just wasn't that interested in the guy (or so I thought). On hindsight, he was rather clingy - which I really didn't like - but that's a story for another day. Let's just say I was hoping against hope he found me worth pursuing too. Just my luck that when I pushed him to the other direction, he willingly went that way.

So I sat there in that 24-hour fastfood joint with a smile plastered to my face, trying so hard not to stare at the tender looks he kept giving to my friend. For once, one of my matchmaking schemes did work though I never knew I would feel hurt. I wanted to snatch one of those looks for myself. I just had them a few days before!

However, I knew it wasn't meant to be. Meantime girls don't get lucky in that part. And I volunteered the matchmaking in the first place. Inherent kindness and a weird code of ethics compelled me to follow through. I was the meantime girl. The one he had in between. He did say we were both adults and knew what we were getting into. In principle, I was sticking to that.

I saw the romance bloom in front of my eyes. I plastered that smile to hide the loss, pain and letting go of something I couldn't have. Okay, okay. I didn't quite hide the pain very well but I blamed them on my fab heels, which by the time he remembered to ask about my welfare, I was already holding in my hands while I hobbled behind them barefoot.

I know, I know. I wasn't as casual about the encounter as I wanted to be. Female that I was, I still needed to feel something to do it with the guy. But I knew we didn't have a future anyway (and call it intuition because I was right not to go that way). Still, I wanted to say "Hey, he was mine first!". No, I didn't. I know a hopeless case when I see it. (Do credit me for having a bit of self-preservation.)

If I learned anything about that long-ago episode, it was to never, ever fall for the guy. Even just a bit. Oscar best actress awardee I am not. Not unless you have a really good excuse to look miserable (like really strong side-effects from meds or a bad decision to wear really high heels because they made your legs look good), just stay clear of falling for the guy.