Quiquay: quirks

Quiquay and existential crisis are two words one would hardly associate with each other. Yet here we are at the crossroad, and I have no idea what to do with my life. Time and time again I've been telling myself and others I wasn't raised to cope with this - an unsure future with no goal in sight. I wasn't raised to be in business yet here I am, taking insane risks with hardly any safety nets. I'm walking in a tightrope with just faith that H would be able to help me cross to the other side. And for the first time in my life, when I ask myself who is the person staring at me in the mirror, I have no idea what the answer is. For the first three decades of my life I have always been this self-assured person who knew what she wanted out of life and went for them. I was a go-getter and used to making things happen. Learned helplessness was not in my vocabulary. I was the steady one while all others threw their anchor at me, expecting me to solve their problems. Friends neve

I must be broken. I was rationalizing my actions last weekend and the other episodes before that and concluded that there was something really wrong deep down inside me. It's self-destructive behavior, I know, but I can't seem to help it. I know my will is stronger - in most cases I can cope. However, there are days that I can't. Of course, my present issues with the H aren't really helping. 'sigh'. I'll ponder on this later. But the long and short of it - I've been broken all along. I just look put together because of a lot of glue and duct tape. And i'm thankful for all the glue and duct tape. At least I haven't crumbled irreparably yet. Here is a link that might be helpful for anyone who stumbles into this page: Incest - Effects On Victims

Marriage isn't always about problems and adversities. The hubby just said something earlier that made my heart make a little skip like it did before: H: I was thinking earlier... W: ...and? H: I wish I had married you sooner. W: Huh? We've been together for 10 years and married for 2. That's longer than a lot couples have been together. H: 'La lang. I like being married to you. Aw..... Isn't he sweet? Hope he feels the same way a few years down the road. =)

.... I will never look at that kitchen sink the same way again. ;-)

... nope, it's not boxing. It's just a couple making up after a fight. No, it's not make-up sex (I wish). As with most of our (rare) fights, last Tuesday's ended with a hug and a silent plea from those (Chinese-y) puppy-dog eyes. And the husband cooking lunch for the wife. I know it's weird but if i waited for a verbal apology I'd have waited for eternity. I guess one of the secrets to a happy union is knowing how to interpret your partner's own language. In this case, his way of caring and apologizing is feeding the wife. So I don't really wonder why I can't lose the extra weight. =)

This is my vagina monologue. Many vagina monologues tackle very serious issues of rape, genital mutilation, cheating, misconceptions, the wonder of discovering climax, the glory of making a vagina sing, the liberation of the female and the miracle of childbirth. I don't even know if my problem is a serious one. It seems so trivial compared to all the problems in the world. However, maybe enough partners feel the way I do. Maybe a lot of us suffer in silence. Do we keep quiet like the "good" wives we ought to be, or do we speak up and voice our frustrations? This is a monologue of a plain housewife at her wits' end on how to make her sex life with her husband work. I learned about the joy of sex from him, when we were just beginning to date. For the first time in my life, I learned about multiple orgasms, sensitive body zones, receiving and giving pleasure. I learned how to love my imperfect body, express how I feel and communicate in a language as old as time. My body

In Limbo-land. Yup, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere waiting for the hubby to decide on our future - do we buy a business and leave me to manage it, have a baby within the year or not? He's been dilly-dallying about it for so long I finally gave him an ultimatum to make a decision in the next few weeks and make it happen. I cannot waste my life forever sitting in a small, hot aquarium doing mindless tasks. To be fair to the H, he finally acknowledged (in front of his mom!) that I was responsible for the success of this small venture. Ha! It isn't the moon but I'll take the compliment since he dishes it out ever-so-rarely. But even my mom knows I'm meant for bigger things and not just a small shop and she has very little idea of what I used to do for a living. So, the countdown begins. If I don't get pregnant this quarter, or he doesn't get this shop or whatever, I am going to go back to looking for better income opportunities