Saturday, January 13, 2024
Restart
When your laptop freezes and you need it to continue, what do you do?
Make a hard restart, that is. Stop everything you're doing, pray you've saved something, and restart all systems.
Looks like a perfect analogy for my life. Middle-aged, a partner frozen by his complex childhood traumas and current depression, and me in despair on how to deal with everything. I cannot tolerate being ACTIVELY ignored, all attempts at engaging and helping immediately shot down. I was not raised to be a martyr and I love myself enough to care about how it's affecting me. I love my partner, but I won't stand to stay still and just roll with the punches. This is akin to emotional abuse already, regardless of his condition. He still has all his mental faculties so no, if I am to live a healthy life, I have to leave the situation.
Which is what I did more than a year ago while I wait for him to come to his senses. He's still not there, and I have no idea when he'll get around to realizing I was the best thing to come to his life and that he needs me in his life. But do I need him back in mine?
I have my own problems, and I have to keep everyone together since our parents passed. I just hope we all emerge from this crisis whole and well.
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