Letting Go
I couldn't access his Friendster page today.
Wait a friggin' minute.... this is the buddy we're talking about. What do you mean I can't access his page? That has never been a problem before. All I wanted to do was see his latest pictures. (And yeah, catch a glimpse of the new girl in his life). I got a bit pissed. Then slightly hurt. (Ganun?) A juvenile issue, I know so I'm not likely to raise the issue to the guy since I don't think there's a point except I'm being a bit too selfish.
... And I miss him. A lot. I shouldn't, I know. It's not as if anything between us can go anywhere.... I'm as shackled as they come and I'm not likely to go anywhere. It these darned "what if's?" And the fact that I can't help but acknowledge I still care for the darned guy.
It's not like I want to. I just can't help it. 'Sigh.'
Okay, enough of the drama. I knew I had to let him go. Last Tuesday's talk was meant to be a goodbye. And it was.
Supposedly.
I would've liked to remain his friend. His buddy. The one who defended him when every one was against him. The one who listened to his angsts. The one who could confide to him all her insecurities. The one he looked at with such a wistful expression as if she was going to disappear. (The one he loved).
Yeah right. Dream on. It was a case of mixed signals and misunderstandings. We're way past that point to ever go back to the way things were.
I've moved on and finally, it looks like he has this time. I would be a distraction. He doesn't need that. He is a distraction. I cannot allow that at this point of my life.
(Oh, but I can wish, can't I?)
This time, I am letting him go. He deserves it. I just hope he remembers me fondly from time to time. Perhaps that should be enough for us.
Wait a friggin' minute.... this is the buddy we're talking about. What do you mean I can't access his page? That has never been a problem before. All I wanted to do was see his latest pictures. (And yeah, catch a glimpse of the new girl in his life). I got a bit pissed. Then slightly hurt. (Ganun?) A juvenile issue, I know so I'm not likely to raise the issue to the guy since I don't think there's a point except I'm being a bit too selfish.
... And I miss him. A lot. I shouldn't, I know. It's not as if anything between us can go anywhere.... I'm as shackled as they come and I'm not likely to go anywhere. It these darned "what if's?" And the fact that I can't help but acknowledge I still care for the darned guy.
It's not like I want to. I just can't help it. 'Sigh.'
Okay, enough of the drama. I knew I had to let him go. Last Tuesday's talk was meant to be a goodbye. And it was.
Supposedly.
I would've liked to remain his friend. His buddy. The one who defended him when every one was against him. The one who listened to his angsts. The one who could confide to him all her insecurities. The one he looked at with such a wistful expression as if she was going to disappear. (The one he loved).
Yeah right. Dream on. It was a case of mixed signals and misunderstandings. We're way past that point to ever go back to the way things were.
I've moved on and finally, it looks like he has this time. I would be a distraction. He doesn't need that. He is a distraction. I cannot allow that at this point of my life.
(Oh, but I can wish, can't I?)
This time, I am letting him go. He deserves it. I just hope he remembers me fondly from time to time. Perhaps that should be enough for us.
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