The Boylet Chronicles - The Rules
This isn't a how-to on how to find your own boylet. Honestly, I have no idea how to look for one, I haven't looked for one at all and I'm not looking for one. (That part of my life is over). I don't have a face or body that would launch a thousand ships, much less a paper boat. In that past chapter of my life, the guys just happened to appear when I wasn't even looking and things just fell into place. In short, they were friends long before anything happened.
This is, however, a basic list of rules I tried to follow and could be helpful for others as well. Here goes...
1. NEVER fall in love. This is a given. Forget the fairy tale that he'll come to his senses and see you for the gorgeous and enchanting creature that you are once he sees what he could have. It's not going to happen. If you have good chemistry in bed, he might want to go back. But just for sex. It's the bitter truth so if you can't separate the feeling from the act, don't even go there.
If feelings of conflict (or affection) do appear, give it free rein in your mind - just there, no where else - for around a week or two. Suppressed emotions have a tendency to pop out of nowhere when ignored so just entertain them for a while. Just don't ever contact him, write about it - that includes you FB status- or do anything you would probably regret later. We all have our fantasies of infatuation and love and happily-ever-after but sadly, they don't translate to real life. I think you just need to flush out the feel-good and attachment hormones or endorphins you probably got from an incredibly hot encounter with the guy. By all means, milk it for all its worth (pun intended). After that time period (or a few weeks more, give or take), you'd have probably bored with your thoughts and moved on to the next lust-worthy object (like the latest "it" bag by the store window) or hunky papa P.
2. Be safe. You're friends, not committed partners. You don't know who's he with and neither does he know who you're with (unless you have a total disclosure agreement). Even if you're both healthy, you still have to ensure your safety. It's better not to have to worry about consequences after the act. It's the responsible thing to do. If he won't wear protection, or you don't protect yourself, just make sure you're ready for the consequences if anything unexpected happens.
3. Communicate. Yes, it's mostly a booty call. It's mutually benefitial for both of you. Still, both of you need to communicate what you like and need from the other. Trust me, it'll make for more fun sessions - and a better friendship (if both of you do talk about other stuff). Think of it was a good way to practice for your future significant other.
4. Trust. A no-brainer. Not that you should expect him to be monogamous with you. It's simply making sure he's not a jerk, a leacher, a blabber-mouth or heaven forbid - a serial killer.
5. Be open to new experiences. It's supposed to be an adventure. Try some stuff you haven't done yet for variety - as long as you're comfy doing it. Like a car escapade or the conference room. Just be careful. =)
6. But know your limits. If your friend is into something you're not really into, you don't like or would likely get you into trouble, tell him. And be firm in refusing the offer. You're not obliged to follow his whims. That's why it's a casual thing. If he insists, drop him like a hot potato. There are other fishes in the sea.
7. Keep it between yourselves. Your relationship/transaction with the boylet is between you and him. Keep out discussions of your significant others (ex or otherwise) outside if you don't want to complicate your life. (Unless you're a closet drama queen who is itching to pit two men against each other for your affections. Quit the fantasy, it never ends up well). Or, you can talk about it if you're really good friends who can talk about your exes (or current) with an objective mind.
8. Have fun. It's just sex and it could be fun. Make the O's count. Let go and enjoy the experience.
By all means, there are other unwritten rules out there but these are the major ones I could think of and had followed successfully. It's probably why even when the casual fling ended, I was still friends with the guy. Of course, having a friend who isn't a jerk in the first place helps a lot. =)
This is, however, a basic list of rules I tried to follow and could be helpful for others as well. Here goes...
1. NEVER fall in love. This is a given. Forget the fairy tale that he'll come to his senses and see you for the gorgeous and enchanting creature that you are once he sees what he could have. It's not going to happen. If you have good chemistry in bed, he might want to go back. But just for sex. It's the bitter truth so if you can't separate the feeling from the act, don't even go there.
If feelings of conflict (or affection) do appear, give it free rein in your mind - just there, no where else - for around a week or two. Suppressed emotions have a tendency to pop out of nowhere when ignored so just entertain them for a while. Just don't ever contact him, write about it - that includes you FB status- or do anything you would probably regret later. We all have our fantasies of infatuation and love and happily-ever-after but sadly, they don't translate to real life. I think you just need to flush out the feel-good and attachment hormones or endorphins you probably got from an incredibly hot encounter with the guy. By all means, milk it for all its worth (pun intended). After that time period (or a few weeks more, give or take), you'd have probably bored with your thoughts and moved on to the next lust-worthy object (like the latest "it" bag by the store window) or hunky papa P.
2. Be safe. You're friends, not committed partners. You don't know who's he with and neither does he know who you're with (unless you have a total disclosure agreement). Even if you're both healthy, you still have to ensure your safety. It's better not to have to worry about consequences after the act. It's the responsible thing to do. If he won't wear protection, or you don't protect yourself, just make sure you're ready for the consequences if anything unexpected happens.
3. Communicate. Yes, it's mostly a booty call. It's mutually benefitial for both of you. Still, both of you need to communicate what you like and need from the other. Trust me, it'll make for more fun sessions - and a better friendship (if both of you do talk about other stuff). Think of it was a good way to practice for your future significant other.
4. Trust. A no-brainer. Not that you should expect him to be monogamous with you. It's simply making sure he's not a jerk, a leacher, a blabber-mouth or heaven forbid - a serial killer.
5. Be open to new experiences. It's supposed to be an adventure. Try some stuff you haven't done yet for variety - as long as you're comfy doing it. Like a car escapade or the conference room. Just be careful. =)
6. But know your limits. If your friend is into something you're not really into, you don't like or would likely get you into trouble, tell him. And be firm in refusing the offer. You're not obliged to follow his whims. That's why it's a casual thing. If he insists, drop him like a hot potato. There are other fishes in the sea.
7. Keep it between yourselves. Your relationship/transaction with the boylet is between you and him. Keep out discussions of your significant others (ex or otherwise) outside if you don't want to complicate your life. (Unless you're a closet drama queen who is itching to pit two men against each other for your affections. Quit the fantasy, it never ends up well). Or, you can talk about it if you're really good friends who can talk about your exes (or current) with an objective mind.
8. Have fun. It's just sex and it could be fun. Make the O's count. Let go and enjoy the experience.
By all means, there are other unwritten rules out there but these are the major ones I could think of and had followed successfully. It's probably why even when the casual fling ended, I was still friends with the guy. Of course, having a friend who isn't a jerk in the first place helps a lot. =)
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