Getting ready (or why you should have an unrequited love before you fall in love)
I read this blog from a link a former coach posted over at FB.
http://thoughtcatalog.com/wes-janisen/2013/08/you-should-fall-for-someone-who-doesnt-love-you/
This was my life before the One came along. That one I ended up with. The boy behind the door who was infinitely more interesting than the so-called cute boy-next-door types. While I would boldly go and face each adventure and challenge I met with enthusiasm, the male species and love stumped me. Oh, I had no problem talking to them and being friends but I was always friend-zoned. On the "annoyingly nosy and know-it-all friend" zone. It didn't help that I was competitive and would literally challenge any classmate's dominance. I knew what I wanted and I wanted a guy who could get past that. Sadly, that didn't happen.
The first and longest one was a classmate who was in the class honor roll like me. I was suspicious of anyone trying to knock me off my top perch and he was the number one suspect. We fought like cats and dogs that even teachers had to step in and referee us. (embarrasing, I know.) Funny thing was, we seem to amuse the heck out of them - since our spats usually occur about extra-curricular activities and usually about who was in charge of what. And surprisingly, we actually worked quite well together, planned or improv - we knew each one's strengths and weaknesses and one compensated where it was needed - which was why the teachers kept on making us work together.
Once, his best friend and I got into a weird game of "Let's Pretend" and played a dating couple out of boredom. Funny thing was, everybody knew it, even our parents. The only ones who thought it was for real were the gossipmongers. He knew about the act but he thought that it was just too real. I wanted to let him know what he was missing - and he totally missed the message. I guess we played our roles too well. (Yes, there were definitely sparks between me and the friend but that is another story.) I was the one that got away - due to a foolish bet he made. And he was the one who got away - because I was too proud to let him know I fell for him - hook, line and sinker. We hid our feelings under the facade of friendship and never got past that.
The next one was cute, smart and rich. I had a huge crush on the guy only because he was so nice to me. I'm not sure if he was aware I actually had a crush on him - he probably did - but this time I wasn't stupid enough to conjure weird excuses to see him or be with him. I saw him when I saw him and didn't give a damn whether I was sweaty, sporting a bad scratch on my knee from an unfortunate skirmish at the court, wet and muddy from the rain or dressed to the nines for an event or performance. He eventually started dating pretty girls, which, every time I chanced upon him and whoever he was dating, plunged me into fresh despair. I wanted him to see me as me - plain, messy, dressed up - and fall in love with the weird girl. Sadly, that didn't happen so, I did my best to act nonchalant. Thankfully, it worked most of the time and I didn't embarass myself. (Incidentally, I learned too late that The First Guy was jealous of him!)
This last one was the first of the weird, mysterious types I would eventually fall for. A friend of the cute, smart and rich guy, I started falling for him after a phone conversation about our org's activities. He was funny, cute and strangely self-assured and I wanted to know more about him. This I managed by featuring him on a write-up requested by the smitten girls of our org. He was also nice and smart and had this deep voice that unmade me. Just like that, 'poof', cute, smart and rich guy was set aside for Mr. Quiet Self-assured Guy. I was on friendly terms with him as well so it was easy to be secretly bedazzled with his wit and humor while maintaining my neutral, friendly facade. It didn't help that the entire org was teasing us together but that was just the way they were. And it wasn't news because they've been at it for two years and nothing ever came of it.
I was hoping he'd see more but that didn't happen at all. Even that drinking party I planned was spoiled by another girl confessing her feelings for him. Nice guy that he was, he turned her down gently. I drowned my frustrations - not by another shot of tequila - but by napping until the sun rose and it was time to go home. If he wasn't going to make a move at all, he probably won't, ever.
I spent my high school and college years despairing if I was ever going to find that someone - or if he would find me. Whenever I fell, I fell hard for the guy that never saw me. At one point I tried changing myself - to be meek and docile and submissive - like that ever lasted long. I was loud, messy and quirky long before loud, messy and quirky girls were cool.
But throughout the heartbreaks and disappointments I learned that I had to be me. I was never going to be happy pretending to be someone else. I learned how precious love was because I saw mine get ignored. I learned that the guy has to have seen the abyss like me to ever understand me. And I learned that love comes when you least expect it, at a time when you've accepted yourself, a time when you're happily single and that special someone is a bonus. And I've learned that there was a great guy out there who would love me for me - loud, quirky and messy - despite being a complete opposite.
And because I had experienced unrequited love, I never took for granted when it was given back.
http://thoughtcatalog.com/wes-janisen/2013/08/you-should-fall-for-someone-who-doesnt-love-you/
This was my life before the One came along. That one I ended up with. The boy behind the door who was infinitely more interesting than the so-called cute boy-next-door types. While I would boldly go and face each adventure and challenge I met with enthusiasm, the male species and love stumped me. Oh, I had no problem talking to them and being friends but I was always friend-zoned. On the "annoyingly nosy and know-it-all friend" zone. It didn't help that I was competitive and would literally challenge any classmate's dominance. I knew what I wanted and I wanted a guy who could get past that. Sadly, that didn't happen.
The first and longest one was a classmate who was in the class honor roll like me. I was suspicious of anyone trying to knock me off my top perch and he was the number one suspect. We fought like cats and dogs that even teachers had to step in and referee us. (embarrasing, I know.) Funny thing was, we seem to amuse the heck out of them - since our spats usually occur about extra-curricular activities and usually about who was in charge of what. And surprisingly, we actually worked quite well together, planned or improv - we knew each one's strengths and weaknesses and one compensated where it was needed - which was why the teachers kept on making us work together.
Once, his best friend and I got into a weird game of "Let's Pretend" and played a dating couple out of boredom. Funny thing was, everybody knew it, even our parents. The only ones who thought it was for real were the gossipmongers. He knew about the act but he thought that it was just too real. I wanted to let him know what he was missing - and he totally missed the message. I guess we played our roles too well. (Yes, there were definitely sparks between me and the friend but that is another story.) I was the one that got away - due to a foolish bet he made. And he was the one who got away - because I was too proud to let him know I fell for him - hook, line and sinker. We hid our feelings under the facade of friendship and never got past that.
The next one was cute, smart and rich. I had a huge crush on the guy only because he was so nice to me. I'm not sure if he was aware I actually had a crush on him - he probably did - but this time I wasn't stupid enough to conjure weird excuses to see him or be with him. I saw him when I saw him and didn't give a damn whether I was sweaty, sporting a bad scratch on my knee from an unfortunate skirmish at the court, wet and muddy from the rain or dressed to the nines for an event or performance. He eventually started dating pretty girls, which, every time I chanced upon him and whoever he was dating, plunged me into fresh despair. I wanted him to see me as me - plain, messy, dressed up - and fall in love with the weird girl. Sadly, that didn't happen so, I did my best to act nonchalant. Thankfully, it worked most of the time and I didn't embarass myself. (Incidentally, I learned too late that The First Guy was jealous of him!)
This last one was the first of the weird, mysterious types I would eventually fall for. A friend of the cute, smart and rich guy, I started falling for him after a phone conversation about our org's activities. He was funny, cute and strangely self-assured and I wanted to know more about him. This I managed by featuring him on a write-up requested by the smitten girls of our org. He was also nice and smart and had this deep voice that unmade me. Just like that, 'poof', cute, smart and rich guy was set aside for Mr. Quiet Self-assured Guy. I was on friendly terms with him as well so it was easy to be secretly bedazzled with his wit and humor while maintaining my neutral, friendly facade. It didn't help that the entire org was teasing us together but that was just the way they were. And it wasn't news because they've been at it for two years and nothing ever came of it.
I was hoping he'd see more but that didn't happen at all. Even that drinking party I planned was spoiled by another girl confessing her feelings for him. Nice guy that he was, he turned her down gently. I drowned my frustrations - not by another shot of tequila - but by napping until the sun rose and it was time to go home. If he wasn't going to make a move at all, he probably won't, ever.
I spent my high school and college years despairing if I was ever going to find that someone - or if he would find me. Whenever I fell, I fell hard for the guy that never saw me. At one point I tried changing myself - to be meek and docile and submissive - like that ever lasted long. I was loud, messy and quirky long before loud, messy and quirky girls were cool.
But throughout the heartbreaks and disappointments I learned that I had to be me. I was never going to be happy pretending to be someone else. I learned how precious love was because I saw mine get ignored. I learned that the guy has to have seen the abyss like me to ever understand me. And I learned that love comes when you least expect it, at a time when you've accepted yourself, a time when you're happily single and that special someone is a bonus. And I've learned that there was a great guy out there who would love me for me - loud, quirky and messy - despite being a complete opposite.
And because I had experienced unrequited love, I never took for granted when it was given back.
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