Boylet Chronicles - Letting Go
The strain of life just weighed me down too much last month that I literally took a breather and hied myself out of town to visit my childhood friends. Because I always took the night trip and for the life of me could not find my way to one of my girl friends' house on my own I asked another friend (the childhood friend ex-boylet) if I could crash at his place for a few hours until our friend could meet up or he could bring me to her place in the morning.
Thankfully he said yes and I got to his place all shivery and sleepy (it was darned cold!) in the wee hours of the morning. Given how things used to be between us it was admittedly not one of my better ideas because we both got nearly undone again. I said nearly, not all the way. There were just too many fellas in bed - him, me and two guilty consciences so we had a truce and finally, officially closed that chapter we never really discussed. And that was that. I'm a very easy girl to talk to.
Unfortunately, he stayed in bed (both of us clothed, by the way) and just about poured his heart out to me about his current and past relationships (me not included - he's always been a friend, not a boyfriend), his issues about his exes and as is the norm with our group, life in general (and that includes other friends and his numerous relatives). At 5 o'clock in the friggin' morning. And to me who has not gone to sleep for almost 24 hours and has not gotten enough sleep in the past 2 weeks. If I didn't love this guy (as a friend, that's all), I would have gladly wrung his neck or just plain ignored him so I could sleep. (Our friend - the girl I was to stay with - actually does that to him - fall asleep at a drop of a hat - and leave him frustrated that he couldn't continue his many stories. (hahaha!) )
But this is me and I sensed that he just wanted a friend to listen to him and help him figure out stuff so I stifled my yawns as I listened to his woes, tried to interpret the scenarios, admired his photos and encouraged him with his endeavors (and just about criticized his budding portfolio as well - hey, I know the trends and he's got a long way to go if he wants to be a professional). As I told our other friend, it was basically show and tell and it amused me as hell - despite being sleepy.
And I realized as I was on the ride home that what I missed from him after these last few years filled with unexpressed and unfulfilled sexual tension was the friendship. I was almost always the only female friend he would tell about the going-ons of his life that the others didn't know about. Hey, I may be loud and opinionated but I make a pretty good sounding board. And somehow, getting closure and letting go from the most unlikely source made me realize I do have it in me to somehow fix my life. And I will. One step at a time.
After getting some sleep and watching the film "Friends With Benefits" of all things, I finally said goodbye to him - the boylet part of the equation, that is (though physically, that has been over such a long time ago). For years we've been trying to avoid scenarios that would end up with us alone even for a few minutes because of what could possibly happen. Maybe this time we could both relax and be like we were before - just two really good friends. Sometimes, in order to be free you just have to let go.
Thankfully he said yes and I got to his place all shivery and sleepy (it was darned cold!) in the wee hours of the morning. Given how things used to be between us it was admittedly not one of my better ideas because we both got nearly undone again. I said nearly, not all the way. There were just too many fellas in bed - him, me and two guilty consciences so we had a truce and finally, officially closed that chapter we never really discussed. And that was that. I'm a very easy girl to talk to.
Unfortunately, he stayed in bed (both of us clothed, by the way) and just about poured his heart out to me about his current and past relationships (me not included - he's always been a friend, not a boyfriend), his issues about his exes and as is the norm with our group, life in general (and that includes other friends and his numerous relatives). At 5 o'clock in the friggin' morning. And to me who has not gone to sleep for almost 24 hours and has not gotten enough sleep in the past 2 weeks. If I didn't love this guy (as a friend, that's all), I would have gladly wrung his neck or just plain ignored him so I could sleep. (Our friend - the girl I was to stay with - actually does that to him - fall asleep at a drop of a hat - and leave him frustrated that he couldn't continue his many stories. (hahaha!) )
But this is me and I sensed that he just wanted a friend to listen to him and help him figure out stuff so I stifled my yawns as I listened to his woes, tried to interpret the scenarios, admired his photos and encouraged him with his endeavors (and just about criticized his budding portfolio as well - hey, I know the trends and he's got a long way to go if he wants to be a professional). As I told our other friend, it was basically show and tell and it amused me as hell - despite being sleepy.
And I realized as I was on the ride home that what I missed from him after these last few years filled with unexpressed and unfulfilled sexual tension was the friendship. I was almost always the only female friend he would tell about the going-ons of his life that the others didn't know about. Hey, I may be loud and opinionated but I make a pretty good sounding board. And somehow, getting closure and letting go from the most unlikely source made me realize I do have it in me to somehow fix my life. And I will. One step at a time.
After getting some sleep and watching the film "Friends With Benefits" of all things, I finally said goodbye to him - the boylet part of the equation, that is (though physically, that has been over such a long time ago). For years we've been trying to avoid scenarios that would end up with us alone even for a few minutes because of what could possibly happen. Maybe this time we could both relax and be like we were before - just two really good friends. Sometimes, in order to be free you just have to let go.
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